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Dealing with Ambivalence After Infidelity
Ambivalence, in the context of infidelity, refers to the state of having mixed feelings or conflicting emotions towards one's actions, decisions, or the consequences of being unfaithful in a marriage or committed relationship.
It involves experiencing contradictory emotions that make it challenging for the person to fully commit to a particular course of action or perspective.
Basically, ambivalence is like having two voices in your head that can't agree on what to do. When you're ambivalent, you can seem resistant or even oppositional to change. In reality, you may want to change but, at the same time, you may also want to maintain the status quo.
An Example of Ambivalence: Meet Alex
Let's consider an example involving a person named Alex who has been unfaithful to their spouse, Jamie. After the affair was discovered, Alex feels a sense of ambivalence.
On one hand, Alex might feel guilt and remorse for betraying Jamie's trust and causing emotional pain. He might genuinely want to repair the damage, make amends, and rebuild the marriage. This feeling of guilt is a clear indicator of recognizing the wrongness of his actions and wanting to mend the relationship.
On the other hand, Alex might also feel a sense of attraction or lingering attachment to the affair partner. This could lead to feelings of confusion or internal conflict. Alex might question whether the affair partner provides something that was missing in their marriage, leading to a sense of ambivalence about whether to fully let go of the affair.
This ambivalence creates a complex emotional landscape for Alex. He is torn between the desire to repair the relationship with Jamie and the pull of the emotional connection with the affair partner. This inner struggle can lead to indecisiveness and difficulty in taking definitive steps toward reconciliation or ending the affair completely.
How Can You Move Past Ambivalence?
Addressing ambivalence requires introspection, open communication, and making conscious choices about what aligns with one's values and long-term goals. It's important for individuals in this situation to seek guidance to navigate through these conflicting emotions and make informed decisions that consider the well-being of all parties involved.
It is also very important to commit to doing the work of affair recovery. It’s through this work that allows you to gain clarity and to work on your relationship. And perhaps more importantly, it allows you to work on yourself.
If you need some guidance and direction with this, I encourage you to consider Individual Coaching. Through coaching, you can hone your understanding of what recovery means, decipher your ambivalence and address your struggles head-on. You can learn more here: One-on-One Coaching for the Unfaithful Person
Individual Coaching for Unfaithful Men & Women
Embarking on a journey of healing and personal growth after infidelity is a courageous step towards rebuilding trust and creating a brighter future.
With Doug's guidance and support, you will have the opportunity to delve deep into self-exploration, understand the root causes of your actions, and develop the necessary tools for personal transformation.
Our individual coaching program for unfaithful men and women offers a confidential and non-judgmental space, where you can find guidance, accountability, and support tailored to your unique needs.
Take the first step towards healing and rebuilding trust by investing in yourself and discovering the path to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
“Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.”
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Whenever you’re ready, there are 2 ways we can help you:
1. If you’re still looking for traction in your affair recovery experience, we’d recommend starting with an one of our affordable programs. Here are 2 options:
→ Survive and Thrive after Infidelity – A unique and complete resource that will guide you through the recovery and healing process starting at D-day. It will provide you with the knowledge and tools to not only survive the affair, but thrive! Get started now!
→ The Unfaithful Person’s Guide to Helping Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: For the struggling unfaithful person, this program delves into the 24 ‘tasks’ that the cheater must complete for them to move from betrayer – to healer, while gaining a better understanding of their betrayed partner and what he/she is going through. Become a healer.
2. Individual Mentoring – Whether you’re the betrayed or the betrayer, to talk to someone who has gone through what you’re going through and who can listen and empathize with you is an incredibly powerful and valuable thing. It’s not just sympathy – it’s empathy – and it’s irreplaceable. Reserve a session (limited spots available).
Take care!
Linda & Doug
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