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Resentment and Infidelity
Have you ever heard the phrase "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die?" It's a bit dramatic, but it gets the point across, right? Resentment, that bitter indignation we feel at being treated unfairly, can silently erode the foundations of our relationships. But did you know it could also lead to infidelity? Let's dive in.
What is resentment and where does it come from?
Resentments are typically born out of unresolved issues or unmet expectations. Maybe your partner consistently forgets to do their share of household chores. Or perhaps they're always putting their needs before yours. Over time, these small irritations can build up into deep-seated resentment.
How do resentments escalate?
When we bottle up our feelings instead of addressing them, resentments can grow. We start to view our partners through a lens of negativity, and every little thing they do (or don't do) adds fuel to the fire. This emotional disconnect can create a chasm in the relationship, leaving room for someone else to step in.
Resentment-induced infidelity: the warning signs
So how does resentment lead to infidelity? When someone feels unheard or unappreciated in their relationship, they might seek validation elsewhere. This doesn't justify infidelity, but it helps explain why it happens. A partner who is suddenly secretive about their phone, spends less time at home, or shows less interest in intimacy might be signs of resentment-induced infidelity.
Example of resentment driving infidelity
Let's consider a short typical scenario. Meet John and Lisa. John often felt ignored by Lisa, who was always busy with work. He voiced his feelings, but Lisa brushed them off, saying he was being too needy. Feeling invalidated and lonely, John found solace in a coworker who listened to him and made him feel valued.
Preventing resentment from leading to infidelity
The good news? Resentment doesn't have to be a one-way street to infidelity. Here are some tips:
Communicate: Express your feelings openly and honestly, using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory.
Listen: When your partner shares their feelings, listen to understand, not to respond.
Forgive: Let go of past hurts. Holding onto them only breeds more resentment.
Seek professional help: If the resentment feels too heavy to handle alone, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor.
In a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, couples who communicated effectively were less likely to harbor resentments. So, let's start talking!
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If you need some guidance and direction with this, I encourage you to consider Individual Coaching. We can get to the root of your resentments while addressing any other struggles you might be having head-on. You can learn more here: One-on-One Coaching for the Unfaithful Person
Individual Coaching for Unfaithful Men & Women
Embarking on a journey of healing and personal growth after infidelity is a courageous step towards rebuilding trust and creating a brighter future.
With Doug's guidance and support, you will have the opportunity to delve deep into self-exploration, understand the root causes of your actions, and develop the necessary tools for personal transformation.
Our individual coaching program for unfaithful men and women offers a confidential and non-judgmental space, where you can find guidance, accountability, and support tailored to your unique needs.
Take the first step towards healing and rebuilding trust by investing in yourself and discovering the path to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
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Whenever you’re ready, there are 2 ways we can help you:
1. If you’re still looking for traction in your affair recovery experience, we’d recommend starting with an one of our affordable programs. Here are 2 options:
→ Survive and Thrive after Infidelity – A unique and complete resource that will guide you through the recovery and healing process starting at D-day. It will provide you with the knowledge and tools to not only survive the affair, but thrive! Get started now!
→ The Unfaithful Person’s Guide to Helping Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: For the struggling unfaithful person, this program delves into the 24 ‘tasks’ that the cheater must complete for them to move from betrayer – to healer, while gaining a better understanding of their betrayed partner and what he/she is going through. Become a healer.
2. Individual Mentoring – Whether you’re the betrayed or the betrayer, to talk to someone who has gone through what you’re going through and who can listen and empathize with you is an incredibly powerful and valuable thing. It’s not just sympathy – it’s empathy – and it’s irreplaceable. Reserve a session (limited spots available).
Take care!
Linda & Doug
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