The Emotional Aftermath of an Affair: Understanding Withdrawal

As we have mentioned many times on this blog, being in an affair is a lot like being addicted to a drug. This means that when you end the affair you will have to go through the uncomfortable experience of withdrawal before you can get over it.

There are three major emotional symptoms of affair withdrawal: anger, anxiety, and depression. Why you might have these emotions should be fairly self-explanatory at this point.

The Emotional Rollercoaster: Anger, Anxiety, and Depression

I feel that I did indeed have a withdrawal period, though I don’t feel that it lasted that long. (Linda may have a different opinion on that.)  After all, I was tiring of the affair relationship and the hassles involved with it in the first place. 

As I try to remember back to that period, I know that I felt both a sense of relief that the affair was finally over, yet a sense of loss as well.  However, the sense of loss quickly faded for me, and I was able to turn (with Linda’s support) to repairing our damaged relationship.

Recovery Timeline: The First Steps to Healing

Dr. Frank Gunzburg, in his book “How to Survive an Affair” says that one can expect to have intense withdrawal symptoms for about three weeks, and you may continue to feel some symptoms for up to six months, but they should gradually diminish in intensity and frequency over this time period.

During this time, you are in a vulnerable position. Like an addict, you might be tempted to use your favorite drug again. You might be tempted to contact your affair partner again to help calm the force of your withdrawal symptoms.

Doing so is a little bit like a heroin addict in recovery who says they are “just going to do a little hit to make the pain go away.” This is clearly a terrible idea. If you do this, it is likely you will be tempted to start using again, end up back in the affair, and undo all the difficult work you have done up to this point.

The Temptation to Revert and the Importance of Resistance

Do not attempt to contact your affair partner as this will destroy your relationship. Instead, reinvest in repairing your relationship. This is liable to be difficult as well, particularly if you have just informed your partner about the affair.

Communication Hurdles and Emotional Disconnection

If you are talking to your spouse at all, it is likely that your communication is negative and difficult. It is unlikely that you will be getting a great deal of positive feedback from him/her at this point and this is bound to make you feel emotionally disconnected. This could worsen your withdrawal symptoms.

Remember that you are going through this painful time for a reason: you want to heal your relationship. You can look at this difficult period as a necessary step to straightening out the mess you have made of your relationship. Like an addict, there may be a period of time in which you suffer.

The Reward of Perseverance: A Renewed Relationship

Enduring this difficult period is essential for mending the mess created in your relationship. Like any recovery process, there's a period of suffering involved. However, if you stay committed to this path, the reward can be a rejuvenated relationship, potentially better than anything you've previously experienced. By navigating through this tough phase of getting over the affair, you're setting the foundation for a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.

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If you’re struggling after your affair and feel you need some guidance and direction, I encourage you to consider Individual Coaching. We can address any struggles you might be having head-on and/or work on those areas where you think you can use some improvement or want to change. You can learn more here: One-on-One Coaching for the Unfaithful Person

Additionally, I realize times are tough for many folks, so I'm offering a 20% discount as well. On the checkout page, simply enter the discount code, 20coach and click the "Apply coupon code" button.

Individual Coaching for Unfaithful Men & Women

Embarking on a journey of healing and personal growth after infidelity is a courageous step towards rebuilding trust and creating a brighter future.

With Doug's guidance and support, you will have the opportunity to delve deep into self-exploration, understand the root causes of your actions, and develop the necessary tools for personal transformation.

Our individual coaching program for unfaithful men and women offers a confidential and non-judgmental space, where you can find guidance, accountability, and support tailored to your unique needs.

Take the first step towards healing and rebuilding trust by investing in yourself and discovering the path to a more fulfilling and authentic life.

**Additionally, I realize times are tough for many folks, so I'm offering a 20% discount as well. On the checkout page, simply enter the discount code, 20coach and click the "Apply coupon code" button.

From the World of Self-Improvement

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Whenever you’re ready, there are 2 ways we can help you:

1. If you’re still looking for traction in your affair recovery experience, we’d recommend starting with an one of our affordable programs. Here are 2 options:

→ Survive and Thrive after Infidelity – A unique and complete resource that will guide you through the recovery and healing process starting at D-day. It will provide you with the knowledge and tools to not only survive the affair, but thrive! Get started now!

→ The Unfaithful Person’s Guide to Helping Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: For the struggling unfaithful person, this program delves into the 24 ‘tasks’ that the cheater must complete for them to move from betrayer – to healer, while gaining a better understanding of their betrayed partner and what he/she is going through. Become a healer.

2. Individual Mentoring – Whether you’re the betrayed or the betrayer, to talk to someone who has gone through what you’re going through and who can listen and empathize with you is an incredibly powerful and valuable thing. It’s not just sympathy – it’s empathy – and it’s irreplaceable. Reserve a session (limited spots available).

Take care!

Linda & Doug

Emotional Affair Journey

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